an end is also a beginning...

11 days in2 2009...

i've seen..

love, respect, hope, tears, an ending.. a beginning and stupidity...

seems that this is meant to be a "different" year.. a year of obstacles, where hope, sheer determination n optimism will get all of us through..

love in e eyes of s0me1 in aussie, enjoying her hols (slacking, rotting, slping) wif her beloved.. love when in the tears of people crying their hearts out for a loved one.. love.. can't be exchanged for food, cause it not a commodity for trading. it's there so that people can see hope.. i've loved and lost.. And the only thing i can tell e people around me is to go ahead and do all the crazy stuff for love. there's only one chance to do it for that special person.

respect is when i know you have given up. there's no point in trying to change your decision. the only reason we want you to live on is becuz things will be different without you.. the reason is selfish, just because we don't want you to go despite the fact that you are suffering,for awhile now..

tears flow cause we are no longer a motivation for you to go on. tears flow cause you'll be missed.. perhaps some are still too young to comprehend the situation but they'll grow up to know you love them.

hope.. when we look up in2 the skies and see rain after everything has ended.. we know you are up there somewhere looking down upon us, blessing us...

this is the end.. yet it is also a beginning for the ones living on.. rest in peace.. for now you have gotten your wish, you will be happy wherever you are.. where durians, great food and laughter flow endlessly..

the beginning?

my beginning to 2009?

the 1st week i sprained my ankle on 1 inch heels n i didn't know i had a sprain till my ankle was bruised.. so no heels for the next 2 weeks or so.. and here comes..

the 3rd week wen i decided to try rolling down the stairs.. every1 keeps asking mi wat happened, hw did it happen.. 2 b honest, i hv no idea! 1 min i was walking dwn e stairs, e next i begin rolling dwn (well.. it'll b faster tis way).. wth! there were ppl gg oh shit! bt there was no prince charming 2 help mi up.. in fact every1 just stared, n i dusted my knees (they ached like hell!) got up 2 walk away.. embarrassed n feeling extremely stupid yet lucky.. i wasn't hurted badly just a couple of bumps..

i amaze myself.. wonder what other stunts will i try in the weeks 2 come.. 49 mre weeks 4 me 2 try out my stunts.. will share mre of them when it happens...

anyway.. here's to 2009..

to every1:
幸福，健康，平安，快乐，not forgetting hope and the ability to love.. to all i love, we may not meet up as often as we would like to, but if you read this.. i love you! pleasee take care till we meet again.. hugs n kisses


found this song.. words i've nv managed to say..

你这刹那在何方我有说话未曾讲
如何能联系上与你再相伴在旁
爱意要是没回响世界与我又何干
原来仍然是你叫我永不断自 强

他一个人

庆幸每夜那样疲劳　
再没渴望得到拥抱
那一晚他　 如此跟我讲
要是爱欲彻夜难忘　
半夜散步通宵洗熨
记得那一晚他　如此跟我讲
然后我　看到了　他眼光
然后我　那安慰　没法讲
他看戏也一个人看
他放假也一个人放
他叫我记得有时间对你好一些
他跳舞也一个人跳
他说笑也一个人笑
他叫我这刻如能被爱别太轻率分开
快乐宴会分组跳舞　
最后也是刚好单数
那单数的　如此跟我讲
怕被冷落怕被遗忘　
但最后却是白走这一趟
那一晚他　说的笑话使我很不安
明白我这一世差点会怎过
然后我　太需要共你讲
他看戏也一个人看
他放假也一个人放
他叫我记得有时间对你好一些
他跳舞也一个人跳
他说笑也一个人笑
他说我有一个人爱我无论有多苦也比不上他
我怕遇见的以后　我怕面对的过去
那晚上犹如附身于这个他
他看戏也一个人看
他放假也一个人放
他叫我记得有时间对你好一些
他跳舞也一个人跳
他说笑也一个人笑
他说我有一个人爱我无论有多苦也比不上他
他看戏也一个人看
他放假也一个人放
他叫我永不要忘记对你好一些
他喝醉也一个回家
他怕冷也一个人怕
他叫我要将你留低相恋再苦孤单更可怕
他跳舞也一个人跳
他说笑我不太敢笑
不要说我想你也明了为何在那晚我抱着你哭了

some tots..
being the greedy gal i am.. i made alot of wishes last year without e fully understanding of them..

i wanted every1 to be happy.. i din un tt humans being greedy by nature can nv seem to b satisfied. i'm 1 of e real greedy greedy ones.. keke..

i wanted every1 to be healthy without fully understanding what it would be like for a loved one to be unhealthy.

i wanted to be loved yet i didn't know how to love. i didn't understand the one i love.

this year i seem to understand things alittle better. hopefully, next year things will be better. i made fewer wishes.. keke.. i wish tt every 1 of my wishes will cum true!

anyways.. i'll b smelling so sweet thru 2009... thanks for the pressie guys. haha.. including e ones i just bought, i have 7 bottles of new perfume.. haha.. u guys muz think i stink! probably tt y all e fishies keep dying... hmm..

sorry nn keep missing ya calls.. seems tt e xin ling gan ying stuff dun wrk so well anymre.. do try again.. haha.. i'll try 2 sense wen u r calling..

ok.. gotta go back 2 wrk..

happy happy b'day 2 mi...

keke... thick skined zz..

wishing myself a happy happy b'day.. may i b tis gorgeous, tis happy,tis young always... of cuz, gd health n loads of happiness, luv, hugs n kisses 2 every1 ard mi... peace 2 all... where r my pressies n my hunk?????

haha.. hoping in 2009 i can b a god mum or a jie mei.. keke... any volunteers getting married/having a kid soon??? haha.. NN, i'm waiting!!!!! baby lau wru? i haben mit u in my dreamz yet.. haha.. andes, i'm still dreaming in lala land.. hope i din scare u.. bt u shld b used 2 it by nw! keke.. i shall cya in hk or aussie next yr k... n i wanna buy e whole hk back bt times r bad.. can't fulfil my dream yet..

bt i will wrk hard @ fulfilling my tai tai dream.. keke.. nn, wait k? b there real soon.. haha.. will attempt 2 catch a gd guy n b ur neighbour.. keke.. natasha bedingfield's i wanna have ur babies get serious like crazy.. my version- i wanna b a taitai.. bt i dun nid LVs..

i'm gg crazy again.. nid 2 b less bitchy, less loud, less braty n most imptly 4get e past, n look 4ward 2 e future...

ohoh.. thks 4 e lunch Mr. Ee.. i'm so slpy nw.. yawnz...

n oso.. lucy gd luck 4 ur interview!

n eve.. beta health n gd luck w results.. things will b fine. trust ur instinct, cheers!

n dawn.. luck in finding a job.

n jin.. get married soon k? tt applies 2 u 2, NN!!

nn & andes.. may u live happily eva aft.. keke.. take gd care of my twin ar!

daffy.. can tt u r happy w her.. may u always b tis happy..

px.. get a gf soon! den i wun bully u le.. keke~

yc.. err.. may u strike 4D AND toto real soon??

did i 4get any1?? hmm.. 2 u guys out there i luv luv luv luv luv luv ya!!! MUACKZ

ever..

ever felt like ur heart is held in an unknown hand? it doesn't hurt but is uncomfortable enuff 2 remind u it's always there.. it has a name - he is regret.

perhaps tt is e only way 2 describe hw i feel nw..my heart is in a mess... many causes n it all sucks..

being 2 strongheaded 2 admit alot of things.. deep inside mi i know wat matters... n it all seems 2 late.. once sum1 told mi, if u wan sth badly enuff, god will help you.. i believe u..

i believe there is a god.. if you do hear this.. i noe i wan it badly, din noe it den bt i noe it nw.. kinda late bt hope u'll help.. thanks alot 4 all e unplanned lessons u made mi learn along e way 2 let mi noe wat i really wan..

r e lessons tough.. or am i 2 weak?

intriguing

fascinated n disconnected r e words i'll use today..

hmm... can't put hw i feel in words... things happen 4 a reason.. if i can't comprehend nw, i will b able 2 in e future..

i hate 2 say this.. u r rt.. 4 mi, my family, it's beta 2 stay in sg.. thank you 4 telling mi tt wen i refuse 2 accept this fact. wen things happen, tt is e truth. thank you 4 everything.

things will work out juz fine

the intense joy of possession - stem of greed. it's not be cause i want it, not because i nid it, it's the joy of possessing it that gives me the kick.

long weekend~~

finally looking forward to alot mre zzz during e long weekend.. looking like a panda nw.. @ least i have sum1 2 off load sum of my wrk 2.. my manager keeps asking mi 2 gif her mre stuffs 2 do.. i'm worried tt she'll nt turn up 4 wrk if i start doing tt..haiz... she takes 1/2 a day to do my filing everyday.. hmm.. i wonder hw did i manage 2 finish all e filing n follow up with all e cases i have on hand.. still a mystery..

was reading e paper a couple days back... on e headlines:

Crushed leg,crushed future
but do u care?

wen i read tt, my 1st tot is how can i care? i'm nt cold blooded bt i c cases of death/crushed limps on a daily basis.. broken family with parents fighting over compensation with the wife (who's pregnant n has another young kid). tell mi hw do i care? losing my humanity in my line of work.. all the decreased, ill/hurted crew r juz a name in my books.. nth mre den tt cuz if they r anything mre, i'll go crazy. compensation 4 a life ranges frm US$15-150K. a life is only worth tt much.. had a case where e guy lost his foot, e compensation was only US$6k... tell mi hw do u care? tis is juz life...

lucy! i still din manage 2 c u!! Argh!! din noe u wen 2 states... haiz.. heard tt things r nt looking so gd.. gal, u muz b strong k! in life there r alot of things beyond our control. 1 of these things is love.. u n mi, we wan 2 luv, can gif alot bt sumtimes becuz e ways words r put, it juz doesn't sound rt. if it's possible, try 2 wrk it out, i can tell u luv him alot.. if nt, u juz haf 2 learn 2 brave thru tis. dun ask others hw they did it. it seems so immpossible @ times, hw can 1 b so strong. i can tell u tt all tis has 2 b learnt & forced. i dun wanna b alone, unluv. bt i noe it's beta 4 us 2 grow apart den 2 grow 2 hate.. things juz fall apart n becum e way they r n we juz grow 2 b able 2 survive.

baby, no matter wat u still haf us.. throw mi a call wen u r back. luv u! tk care my dear..

i miss blogging..

haben blogged in donkey yrs.. hmmm.. miss e days wen i cud blog daily.. haha... dunno wat u've gt till u lose it.. din noe hw 2 treasure e time i use 2 haf..

anyway.. updates..
still sick.. haiz.. my stomache is unable 2 retain food.. can't eat 2 much, no dairy, no coffee/tea/oily food.. aft a jab on wed.. it's still nt much beta.. e amazing thing is i think i'm gaining weight.. haha! will c hw it goes.. dear tummy, will appreciate if u can get beta soon. i wan sum chocolate/coffee!!

missed Mr.Ee secret celebration cuz of my gastric problem.. argh! i miss hanging out w u guys!! esp u, LUCY!!! haha.. we nid 2 mit up soon... keke... anyway, we'll beta take ALOT of pics as usual n haf alot of FUN!! till den i'll b missing u..

haiz.. miss msning w lynn.. haha.. haben had time 2 do tt either..
gotta wrk faster, z!! will haf a couple of hrs of peace to clear all e stuff b4 it floods my mailbox again..(manager is currently away 4 miting)

still waiting 4 my dream 2 come true:

I WANNA B A TAI TAI!!!!!!

@ e rate things r gg, i dun think it'll ever haben.. happily ever aft- a phrase u shld nv believe in aft a age of 5. looking forward, @ times my mind juz wanders back 2 e happier moments.. i noe it's stupid.. cuz there is no happily ever aft n i'm nt brave enuff 2 handle e nt-so-easy times..

life - contradiction & alot of confusion... i did try.. really did.. it's nt enuff yet no1 is 2 blame.