still lost...

haiz... still looking 4 my map... my purpose in life... still dotted abt wat happen yesterday... oh god... wat haf i done? i had fun i guess but i'm afraid 2 get hurt again.. anyway, so dunno where his will lead... 1 thing leads 2 e other... it's a chain of events but i dunno wat will happen eventually... mayb nothing will happen in e end... juz leave it alone...

Superman returns!!!

wahahaha... gg 2 watch superman returns later... juz woke up not long ago... still abit blur, stone n gong... nid 2 warm up e engine 1st... had a long [reali long] chat yesterday... i noe i can't live in e past anymore... walking out of it now [still walking but @ a faster rate liao]... haf 2 thank sum1 4 it... u made mi c it... thanks... i've solved 1 problem n i hope i'm not creating another.. hmm.... moral of e story... I SURVIVED!!!!

tok, tok n tok...

called li ling juz now... i think she a little stress, upset n blah @ work... that's work i guess... i dunno wat 2 say or how 2 make her feel beta [n i guess she feels the same abt mi...] but it's ok... it's just life.... when i start working, i'll be the same... wahahaha...think she's learning pretty fast n she'll cope well... don't worry lah gal... juz jia you.. it not eazy, it has nv been... so it's ok... it'll b over soon...

talked 2 him just now... seems tat he's not in a good mood either.. IS ANYONE IN A GD MOOD @ ALL?? haiz... watever that bugs u will go away if u try hard enuff... i dunno if staying in contact has help or not [it's e same case with mi] but forget it... i dun care... dun wanna think so much... 1 day i might think what a dumb ass i am but hey, ppl learn frm their mistakes... n i dunno if tis is 1.. if it is, i learn [i hope]...

was toking 2 ice juz now... still feel so lost... i think i'm a 'wonder' in alot of ways 2 alot of ppl... i haf an ability 2 'shock' ppl... they r always lost 4 words... haha.. i think it's mi lah... i oso dunno wat 2 say den... haiz...

wen will i b alrite? i dunno... i wan it 2 happen soon, i hope it will but no matter how long it takes i will b alrite again... listening "i will survive'" by cake now... I WILL SURVIVE!!!!!

found sumthing back...

was crying like crazy abt 3hrs ago... cried 4 an hour... crying over wat? i haf no idea... haha... actually.. i miss him lah... i miss his laughter, hugs & kisses... so i did wat i shld... solve e problem @ its root... wahaha... i called him [i already hear all e boos n all e wat e hell!!] i noe u guys think i'm so weak blah blah blah... i dun care... i do wat i wan... tat's mi... i'm not as strong as u guys think... i do cry! [yes, u heard mi...] i do feel lost... i nid ppl 2 guide mi 2 find my way back 2 wherever i belong [god noes where...] haha... i dun care.. we r all lost... let's find a map together... haha... cuz i cannot b left alone... i constantly search 4 frenz cuz i can't b alone... i feel so happie wen i haf alot of ppl 2 tok 2... hee... tat's where my happiness lies... i can't stop toking... wahaha... everybody has a limit n where is e limit i dunno...

aft i tok 2 him, i realised tat he's not happie either... [tat doesn't mean tat we'll b happie together, yes i noe] i dun hate him... he made a mistake n i forgive him... sumtimes it's not e kinda mistake he makes it's how much u wanna forgive him tat matters... i forgive u... i still care 4 u... but... love has impaired my rationality.... haha... n scientist prove tat love does has e ability 2 do it... haha... read it frm sumwhere... [yes... i love 2 read... no textbooks pls...] i still luv him... now i noe... i dunno how long i can hang on in tis state but... 4 now, i still love him...

my dear boy... dun feel so lost... i'll b here... it'll b over soon n u'll b happie again... smile... laugh @ all e dumb things tat i can nv understand... it's ok... it's ur own entertainment... enjoy skool... becuz u r in skool n transpot is cheap!! world cup... it's once every 4 years... enjoy...

dear all... i noe u r will always b there 2 support mi no matter wat my decision might be... i, myself think tat it's amazing tat i dun blame him... 1 day i will not blame her or myself either... i'll choose 2 forget... i'll choose 2 think tat tis world is beautiful... call mi naive... i juz wanna c tis world in a beta light... i'm gg 2 do wat i like... wat i enjoy... time passes faster tis way... i wish tat evrything will b well 4 all of u 2... i luvya...

life...

went out for dinner as usual... wen 2 ang mo kio... haiz... pass by his house wen sending li ling back... suddenly it hit mi... how long haf i not been 2 tis place... was in my dad's car juz now... i still remember how my dad would drop mi off @ his house... now... wat made tis happen? y is a relationshp so hard 2 handle... yong chuan once said if i wanted him back, den win him back... u noe wat? i dun haf faith tat i can win him back n i dun haf faith tat we'll stay together even if i win him back... i wanna believe in myself... i wanna trust but... how 2?

i put aeroplane yesterday...

haha... i put aeroplane yesterday.. n yong chuan's still being sore abt it... haiz.. nvm i shall gif him time 2 get over it n forgive mi... becuz he forgives n forgets... [*yong chuan... forget... dun b so petty n sore le... forgive mi lah...*] [lao da aka peng xiong... u'll b nicer den yong chuan rite? even i fang ni fei ji, u wouldn't b so mean becuz u r always so nice rite? u nv reply mi yesterdy i scare leh... ] we go zouk another day wen i on form i jio k? dear all dun b angry lah... swee yee, u oso...

haiz... was rotting @ my grandma's on fri nite.. sob i couldn't slp... n u noe wat i dun feel tired @ all... haiyo.... i oso wanna b like li ling she can fall aslp if u juz let her lie down... but luckily, i was able 2 catch sum slp yesterday... i noe i haben got over him cuz he's on my mind every minute wen i'm awake... sumtimes i hate him, sumtimes i pity him cuz he so guilty... sumtimes i juz drift n wonder abt wat has happened... i wanna delete him... but how can i? i juz asked a dumb question... ignore it k... haiz...

i'm yawning but i can't fall aslp wen i shld... haiz... i wanna b able 2 slp @ nite... not in e day... sobz... wat 2 do... yong chuan so mean ask mi not 2 call wen i can't slp @ nite... [he joking 1 lah... i hope... hee]

damn it... y does it haf 2 b like tat?

he called mi yesterday... e whole point of e conversation being: is there anything he can do 2 make mi feel beta?

u noe wat? tis whole time all he wanted 2 do was 2 make mi feel happier... i was still thinking tat he still loves mi, juz tat he made a mistake tat's all... wanna make mi feel beta? wat a joke? if u can turn back time n make tis a dream, den do it...

e whole point in tis, is tat U wanna make urself feel beta but in e process, u r making mi feel worse... got it? since u haf e guts 2 do it den live wif e consequence... feeling too guilty? den wat u wan mi 2 do?? asshole.. stop making my life worse den it already is, will u?? i feel like killing u!! but wat does it achieve? tat's where i'm different frm u!! although i follow my heart, I DO THINK ABT WAT HAPPENS NEXT!!! u dun.. u juz act like a wilful kid n think tat everything will b okie no matter wat... e true is u juz cannot deal wif wat u haf done... all tis time, u haf been making urself so comfortable in going wif e flow tat u dun stop n think abt wat u r doing... u juz do wat u wan, hurting alot of ppl in e process! u dun care abt e ppl around u... u r so selfish... u make ur problem every1's problem... tat's e true u! we cannot b frenz anymore... i think i'll b beta off without a fren like u... bye... u piece of shit... i'm no longer willing 2 b part of ur problem anymore... leave mi out of it, will u?

i wanna b like yong chuan... forgive n forget but tat doesn't mean, i can or i will b able 2 pretend tat none of tis happened... it's so nice 2 b forgiving... hee.. but since i cannot do it, i shall not force myself... i can forgive u, manfred but i cannot forget... n stop doing so much wrong tat i haf 2 keep forgiving u, will u? i meant every word i said...... u haf 2 learn how 2 face wat has happened... i noe i'm not gd @ it but @ least i faced wat happened... i live wif it... it's part of my life n tis will b a story wif sumthing i can learn frm... i cannot say if it's good or bad but i've grown up becuz i haf 2 face tis... if i could i would choose b a kid forever... since i cannot, i'll haf 2 accept wat life throws in my way... dun repeat tis mistake again.. its bad enuff 2 do it once... 1 day, wen u r able 2 face tis, u'll b a beta man... n by den, i'll b happie 4 u frm e bottom of my heart...

my beautiful cousin~my GF...

my dearest cousin n i...

realised tat i din post a pic of my cousin n i.. aiyo... how can? she my part time guardian angel leh... haha... my beloved cousin: miss yeo... muz get a clear headshot den can mah.. hee...

~almost love~

is there such a thing as almost love? i guess wen u r not sure if u r in love den it's called i'm almost in love... haha... den i think i'm almost outta love... haiz... so sianz... so lost... so much time, wat 2 do?

wen2 catch e movie "almost love".. it's so sweet but so impossible... haiz... wat 2 expect aft all it's a movie!
LOVE- sumthing tat troubles alot of ppl... it makes everything so sweet n it feels like e world is so beautiful... but wen it's gone, it leaves u devarstated, leaves u in ruins... why do i haf 2 face tis? i haf no idea... how do i live on? no idea either.. i juz survive... with all e ppl around mi supporting mi, can't let them down...

[how much he affects mi, is how much i let him affect mi..

1 day he'll have no effect on mi... it takes time 2 switch off...]

everything will go back 2 "normal" wen i fall in love again, i guess... love mi as who i am... no lesssons on how or wat 2 do... i'll try 2 b tolerant towards ur likes n dislikes but i'm human aft all.. i forget n i make mistakes... u'll have 2 b forgiving... all of us muz b forgiving towards one another... tat's life... if u wanna do sumthing, show mi tat u reali wan it n i'll support u all e way... u gotta show mi 1st... i believe tat there r angels 4 each n every1 of us... they'll guide us... mine juz wen on leave tat's y i'm so lost...

[wei! angel!! u wanna clear ur annual leave nv let mi noe...

fly kite ar u? c lah.. now i'm so wasted.. haiz... beta b back soon!

come back b4 i break down again k? i guess u dun gif a damn abt rules!

next time let mi noe 1st k? courtesy, u noe? b nice k?

i'll oso b nicer 2 u.. wun b so mean le...

come back??]

i guese i'm gg crazy soon.. my dearest angel!! calling 4 joyzz's angel!! dun MIA le... haiz... i gotta stand on my own feet 1st ba... will hang on till my angel is back... in e mean time i've gotta learn how 2 b nicer... learning in process...

Gloating... wahahaha.. wat an enjoyable day...

had a wonderful dae... aft doing my chore of e dae, i spent an hour in e bathroom scrubbing my body, washing my hair n doing treatments... so Shiok!! i noe all e guys will b think wat e hell, an hour in e bathroom?? do wat? wash toilet ar? trust mi guys, if ur galfren spends an hour in e bathroom, u beta hug her on tat dae cuz once u touch her skin, there's no stopping! she smells wonderful n her skin is oh so soft n smooth.. haha... shiok~

ya... had coffee bean cheesecake again... wahahaha... wat a wonderful delight... chat wif my GF @yishun wif her frenz... haha... e icing on top of e cake is tat... ask mi abt it wen u c mi k... where r e fireworks?

TRUST

sumthing tat i gif easily, cuz i go wif my gut feeling...

e moment u haf lost it, it takes alot 2 gain it back...

can u do it? can i trust u again?

e person who has hurt mi e most,

can i believe wat u say now?

or will u run away again wen there's sum1 beta?

r we willing 2 go thru tis shit again?

R U WORTH IT?

~finally a closure~

he msg mi again... but tis time round, it's 2 say goodbye... i believe if we r fated, we'll cross path again.. if not gif mi time.. 1 day, sumday, we'll mit again... take care, my fren...

i noe u r oso sad tat tis has happened.. i'm juz as sad...

there's no rite or wrong... watever happened has passed.

i wun blame u, tis relationship broke down as time passed.

maybe we did not put in enough effort, maybe we were not meant 2 b...

it doesn't matter... we haf 2 move on cuz tat's our past.. who doesn't haf 1?

my fren, move on... find sum1 else... sum1 who will accept u unconditionally!

i'll b happie 4 u.., juz as i will look forward 2 my future, i hope u will do so 2.

like i haf told u in e past, ur future lies in ur own hands...

u've made mistakes b4.. but stop making them n look 4 wat u reli wan!

i noe u r lost but it's ok.. somehow, ur future will come 2 u!

u r special becuz u r manfred...

dun lose urself no matter wat. it's ok 2 compromise but dun lose urself!

good luck 2 ur studies n health!

especially ur health k...

hmmm... wat a day...

haiz.. juz got nagged by my mum.. she's seriously driving mi nuts... haiz... y muz she repeat sumthing more den 5 times a day? do i look dumb or has she forgotten tat she had already said it?? i reckon tat she believes tat nagging @ mi will make mi remember it more... but seriously, i hear e stuff u say, whether i wanna listen 2 ur advice or ont is my choice...

STOP BUGGING MI!!! GET OFF MY BACK, WILL U?

oh btw, my dad bought another car... a Nissan LATIO... looks like there'll b sum1 2 send mi 2 skool soon... hee... gotta learn how 2 drive soon... next week, i'll drive my daddy out... haha.. add sum adventure 2 his life... wahahaha.. all road users, pls look out 4 mi!! P- plate dangerous driver... my dear frenz... i'll b driving u guys out soon (i hope!).. can't wait...

romantic nite @ sembawang beach...

wahaha... had a "wonderful" nite my my best buddies... although i feel like punching yong chuan n swee yee sumtimes... but... haiz... i guess i haf a love-hate relationship wif them...

hey guys.. thanks 4 being there like tat.. i noe i'm not doing wat u guys think i shld b doing but... juz gif mi sumtime k... i'll bounce back wen i feel up 2 it... i noe i snap but tat's e way i am... wahahaha.. guess u all love n hate mi 2...

haiz.. gg 2 haf a drink now... wahahaha... i'll try my best 2 get him outta my life.. bye bye.. JACKASS!!!

KTV wif eve...

hehee... KTV again... life's good(^-^) din mit eve 4 sumtime liao.. so happie 2 go ktv wif her.. reali enjoyed myself... sang till i was out of breath.. dotted rite? haha.. had a long chat wif her aft dinner @ her place.. tok abt alot of stuff... glad tat she noes wat she's doing... as long as u noe wat u r doing n dun regret it den i haf nothing 2 say cuz it's ur choice n i'll accept it... n i'll support u.. babe, i'll b here 4 u... wenever u nid a shoulder 2 lean on, i'll b here...

haiz.. he called during my ktv session... haiz... i dunno wat 2 comment on e conversation.... dotted... dunno wat he wans frm mi.. ask mi 2 gif him time 2 settle his stuff.. 2 mi it doesn't matter how much time u take 2 settle ur stuff cuz u dun haf 2 answer 2 mi... i've given up on u, on waiting 4 an answer frm u ( i gave myself e answer... wat ever reason u gave 2 mi is nv good enuff cuz they r all excuses!). cuz frm e start u r so indecisive... u even haf 2 think between choosing mi n her... if u cannot decide den i think u deserve her cuz i noe i deserve sum1 beta...

lucy san... if u r reading tis, dun feel bad abt not being here 4 mi cuz i noe u r always there 4 mi.. it's reali ok... i'll b fine... wif all e love n concern i've received frm all of u, i noe i'll b ok.. dun b 2 stressed over ur examz k... u'll do juz fine... jia you!

An uneventful day...

hmmm... juz finished a slice of cappuccino cheese cake @ coffee bean... yummy! haben been eating alot todae.. i've got no appetite.. sobz.. haiz.. i've loss weight & i look horrible cuz i'm so skinny... trying 2 gain it all back & b heavier den b4.. haha (^-^).. my new goal..

anyway li ling aka my cousin started her new job todae.. haha.. she got a tour around sim lim square todae.. so cute.. 1st dae of wrk still get a tour of e building... haha.. she warned of all e lao di go there.. dotted rite? haha.. but she's young n pretty so there'll definately b ppl wanting 2 take advantage of her.. looks like she hasn't been wrking 4 1 mth n is used 2 slacking wif mi liao.. now she feels tired wrking... but she'll get used 2 it, i guess...

yeah!! lucy called mi juz now.. so happie 2 hear her voice... so sweet of her 2 call mi n invite mi 2 stay over @ her house wen i feel like it.. thanks gal!! during tis tormenting period in my life i've seen all my true frenz answering 2 my call.. i reali appreciate u guys.. u all have been so important 2 mi... i truely thank god 4 making u guys part of my life... promise we'll stay in touch no matter wat k.. i noe there r times wen we r all bz wif our lives but do make time 4 each other k.. frenz r truely wat life is 4... hee.. MUACKZ...

e movie date wif 2 "XIN FU" man

@ ' The Cathay' wif yong chuan n swee yee...

NOW SHOWING

"liang ge xin fu de nan ren"

c... swee yee smiling so sweetly.. becuz there r 2 beautiful ladies beside him... wahahaha...


Yong chuan more shy lah.. but in his heart he oso feel damn shiok 1... admit it man!!

all e time i've spent wif my frenz..

my KTV khakis.. (^-^)

wat happie smiles!

ya man!! hear mi roar!!

2 mei nu..

my best frenz.. jindi n daffy..

my dearest daffy.. always there 2 pick mi up wen i fall...

i'm upset...

haiz... y muz i b stuck in sumthing like tat? e relatopnship btn us! wat does he take mi 4? a substitute wen they argue? (btw, seriously, 2 all those who no3 who she is, i dun wanna hear anything abt her, ok??) i hate 2 think abt it but it's driving mi crazy.... i hate myself 4 acting like tat... i'm upset wen he calls but i miss him wen he doesn't, it's driving mi crazy.. been trying 2 put up a strong front.. maybe wat i nid is a shoulder 2 cry on..
tis is how it ends wen there a 3rd party involved.. he has a back-up, sum 1 2 hug, cuddle n talk 2 but i dun haf 1.. haiz..

he told mi he's not happie (i feel like smacking him! freaking ASSHOLE!!!)

my reply 2 tis is: izzit tis wat u wanted both mi n her? u r having e best of both worlds now! u made tis mess wif ur own hands, be it u like it or not, u r happie or not, u've gotta accept it cuz u made it tis way... i've nv wanted things 2 end up like tat, but wat can i do? i've gotta live wif e fact tat i've loved a guy (whom every1 tells mi) tat doesn't deserve mi.. wat can i do? i love him... i gotta live wif e fact tat e guy tat i once gave everything 2 is a flirt n tat he doesn't luv mi as much as he claims.. i'm alot worse den u r (emotionally) so dun complain k!! JERK!! U R 1, DUN DENY! 4 all tat u did 2 mi, u r definately 1.

"If i could turn back time i would never have accepted u, Manfred! Cuz all e fun n luv u, once gave is not enuff 2 heal all e wounds u inflicted on my heart... i can nv forget e times we shared, e special memories tat r once in a lifetime but i'll learn 2 let go cuz u r not worth all e tears i've cried, all e heartache i'm suffering, all e love tat i have given... i'll always remember wat u did 2 mi.. 2 her i wanna say: gal, take sumthing tat's not urs n u'll find tat 1 dae sum1 will do e same 2 u! e same 2 u, JERK!!

a year has passed..

isn't it fast? another year has passed n i'm a brand new mi again... lots of stuff has changed.. i luv heels n i luv my pair of legs!! haha.. envy mi!!!

BUT i've lost my bf 2 sum1 else! hmmm.. lost all e trust i've had... nv tot tat i'll lose him 2 sum1 else, i guess u can nv b 2 sure... still trying 2 get over it, still trying 2 make myself stand up! every1 around mi is cheering 4 mi! i'm trying hard 4 them... sumtimes e stuff they say r so true tat it hurts like hell! deep inside my heart i no3 wat they say is true but i dun wanna admit it... haiz... i noe it's over! i noe but it takes time... i still wanna b frenz...(lame! i noe) gif mi time.. i cannot trust him e way i did.. mayb aft sum time wen it doesn't hurt anymore, i can try 2 accept sum1 new... rite now i juz wan lotsa frenz..

i luv these ppl:

• yong chuan-thanks 4 crapping wif mi, it reali means alot 2 mi...
• Jindi- so sorrie, i wasn't there 4 u wen u needed mi! gal, u mean so much 2 mi! u r beautiful in ur own way!! trust mi.. u r a star, SHINE like 1!!
• my new n beautiful GF: li ling aka my cousin!! wahahaha.. tis is my live-in GF.. always there 4 mi.. dunno how 2 thank her oso.. wish tat she can get a job soon..
• swee yee-always suan mi n say tat my life is gd.. perharps in comparison 2 many others out there my life is indeed gd but... haiz.. everything is also fine 4 u now, rite?
• ah pri- thanks 4 answering my call...
• eVe- e ever bz wonder women! luv u, gal.. thanks 4 everything...